Things Only Black Women Dating White Men Will Understand

May 22, 2017

Almost all black women dating white men say that the main thing they have learned while being in interracial relationships was patience: you have to be incredibly patient about all those silly questions people ask you. But it is not the worst—the most annoying thing is that they are waiting for your answers. So, along with patience, a sense of humor can also be helpful.

In 2013, more than six percent of the American population reported being in an interracial relationship. Compared to 1980, the number of multiracial couples has risen by three times and still continues to do so.

No matter how often we repeat that we do not care, the society still has extremely ignorant beliefs about an interracial relationship. The mere existence of multiculturalism does not solve racism, at least not all its various forms.

Subtext in Every Question

Every couple knows this scenario: at a party, they strike up a conversation with another guest. The introductions are done, the drinks refilled, and the next regular question seems almost inevitable. “So, how did you guys meet?”

No sinister subtext, just curiosity. But the hidden truth is that people expect to hear some fabulous story. One in a monoracial couple can be older, richer, or more beautiful that the other, but unlike in the situation with interracial couples, it is perceived as a usual thing. The racial difference is considered to be a guarantee of an incredible meeting story.

The next questions would be “What do your parents think?”, “Do you teach each other your cultures?”, or “What will your children look like?” Yuck.

Dating White Does Not Mean Hating Black

There seems to be this pervasive idea that if you are a black woman looking for a white man, you must hate men of color. Every time we see a black woman with a white man, we consider it a personal rejection of the ethnic group. There is also the belief among certain members of racial groups that a person dating outside of their race is disloyal and self-loathing.

You think it is impossible to marry outside the race? Wrong. Do not forget about love and all these things, you know. You wonder whether many black women are single because there are so few “good black guys” for companionship? Wrong. Currently, there are nearly 20 million African Americans in the United States. Do you really believe that none of them are “good”? You are sure black women seeking white men feel that white guys treat them better than black guys do? Wrong, wrong, wrong.

It Is Not About Sex

There are many racialized sex stereotypes, and this is what sexism sounds like: black women are sassy, Latina women are exotic, Asian women are submissive, Arab women are oppressed.

We are all individuals. You cannot say that every woman of color on this planet is sexy. There is nothing wrong with finding certain qualities attractive—hairstyles, various body types, or facial features—but it is mistaken to assume that any combination of such qualities is representative of a whole population. And while someone may consider it a compliment, it is not.

Sometimes Jokes Are Really Funny

Interracial couples are able to make casual racist jokes among each other because obviously neither of them is racist. It is all in good fun because it comes from a place of understanding that beneath everything they are both human beings with the values that make them human beings. In short, cracking racist jokes at one another—now that is a real relationship!